Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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