During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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