i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize