does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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