Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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