i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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