I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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