i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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