i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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