I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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