Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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