Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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