omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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