You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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