i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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