i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize