I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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