Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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