You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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