So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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