It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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