We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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