even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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