I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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