Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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