I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
