You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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