atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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