Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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