I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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