Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
soo... how was my night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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