I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize