Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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