Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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