I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize