I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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