I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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