wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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