every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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