i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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