ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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