I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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