In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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