PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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