Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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