he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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