i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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