I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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