I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize