i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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