from now on my penis is your penis
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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