i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize